The following is an account of the conversation I had with my cab driver at approximately 9:40PM this evening. He was driving me from the Jackson, Mississippi airport to my hotel.
Me: "So are you from around here?"
Driver: "Yeah, I grew up around here, but have lived other places. Lived up north in the Mississippi Delta for awhile....where the prison is."
Me (In my head): "I hope not IN the prison."
Driver: "Ya, I was a guard up there."
Me (In my head): "Phew!"
Driver: "I hated my in-laws. I had a whole plan to off them all." Allow me to repeat that. "I had a whole plan to OFF THEM ALL. I talked to other convicts and everything....figuring out a plan."
Me: "How far did you say the hotel was? I was supposed to meet a colleague there a little while ago." (Total lie.)
Driver: [Totally ignores my distance inquiry] "Well, I just decided to move back down here instead....oh we're about six minutes away from the hotel."
Me (In my head): "Oh good, perhaps UHaul should change their slogan to, 'Thinking about murdering your in-laws? Call us! We'll help you move instead!'"
Me: "So are you married?" [I decided to change the subject and attempt to develop some rapport with this guy. Perhaps if I befriended him, he would think of me as the antithesis of his in-laws.]
Driver: "Naw, not married, but I got 19 kids and 12 grandkids."
Me: "19 kids?! What's the oldest to youngest age range?"
Driver: "33 years old and 14 months."
The conversation gingerly continued from there. His birthday is July 21st. He is 51 years old and has a college degree in business administration.
I safely arrived at the hotel approximately six and a half minutes later. And it took at least an hour for me to calm down. I really hope my new job comes through soon. Not traveling so much would be fine with me.
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5 comments:
OH MY GOD! I just read this out loud to my office. SO FUNNY (in my head - glad you are alive).
This is why I don't talk to cab drivers...I used to think it was just beneath me, but now I know it was a deterrence from being beaten, gagged, and raped by a in-law murdering baby machine...I think I saw that same guy at the Wal-Mart, did he have a tattoo on his neck of a girl swallowing a sword?
Pepper spray and mace, friend.
Agreed, but you can't carry it on the plane!
wow...that's freaky.
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