To Call or Not to Call...That is the Question...

I was in Salt Lake City for work a few weeks ago. While I was there this note was left on my rental car windshield. I was in the Whole Foods parking lot. The note was written on the inside of a Trident Sugar Free Whitening Gum pack. A man who cares about his teeth! I have not called 'Kyle.' Salt Lake City, Denver, eh, I'm just not that into the long distance thing, but I wonder.... Wouldn't it have been easier for him to just walk up to me and introduce himself, rather than take the trouble to write this note? Oh well, I'd much rather receive a note like this than 'I hit your car in the parking lot!'

And tonight my cab driver, although not a potential in-law serial killer, was, in fact, a 400 lb man. I am not exaggerating by any stretch mark of the imagination. So while he did not tell me of any plots to murder his in-laws, had he sat or laid upon me, my ribs would have been instantly crushed, violently piercing my lungs, and quickly suffocating me. Who knew calling a cab could put me in so much peril! I thought you were supposed to call a cab to keep you safe!

Allow me to digress from dating...

The following is an account of the conversation I had with my cab driver at approximately 9:40PM this evening. He was driving me from the Jackson, Mississippi airport to my hotel.

Me: "So are you from around here?"
Driver: "Yeah, I grew up around here, but have lived other places. Lived up north in the Mississippi Delta for awhile....where the prison is."
Me (In my head): "I hope not IN the prison."
Driver: "Ya, I was a guard up there."
Me (In my head): "Phew!"
Driver: "I hated my in-laws. I had a whole plan to off them all." Allow me to repeat that. "I had a whole plan to OFF THEM ALL. I talked to other convicts and everything....figuring out a plan."
Me: "How far did you say the hotel was? I was supposed to meet a colleague there a little while ago." (Total lie.)
Driver: [Totally ignores my distance inquiry] "Well, I just decided to move back down here instead....oh we're about six minutes away from the hotel."
Me (In my head): "Oh good, perhaps UHaul should change their slogan to, 'Thinking about murdering your in-laws? Call us! We'll help you move instead!'"
Me: "So are you married?" [I decided to change the subject and attempt to develop some rapport with this guy. Perhaps if I befriended him, he would think of me as the antithesis of his in-laws.]
Driver: "Naw, not married, but I got 19 kids and 12 grandkids."
Me: "19 kids?! What's the oldest to youngest age range?"
Driver: "33 years old and 14 months."

The conversation gingerly continued from there. His birthday is July 21st. He is 51 years old and has a college degree in business administration.

I safely arrived at the hotel approximately six and a half minutes later. And it took at least an hour for me to calm down. I really hope my new job comes through soon. Not traveling so much would be fine with me.

If Demi and Ashton can make it work....

What is my deal with the age thing? My chiropractor set me up on a lunch date today. My blind date is 1 year, 9 months, and 8 days younger than I. He is smart, good-looking, wants to have a gym in his basement eventually, has a good job, and is close with his family. He opened doors for me and took care of the check. He was a gentleman who had the business casual dress thing down. Good height, nice shoulders.

The age difference bothers me, though! Ever since my first job selling mugs with personalized pictures on them from a kiosk in the Franklin Park Mall, I have ALWAYS worked with people who are at least a few years older. Regarding my friends, I am typically one of the junior members. And, to be honest, my last boyfriend (yes, I know that it didn't work out) was eight years older, and I liked how that felt. My sisters are both younger, however, and I like to feel like their protectors (even from afar).

With this guy, it was more natural for me to feel like his older sister than his date, even though he did all of the right date things. He did, however, talk about living in the dorms during college. FYI - Once you've passed the age of 25, those stories should be reserved for long road trips, campfire chats, and those nights where you accidentally stay up until 4 in the morning talking. He has traveled very little. His friends are his age too, which means that even though he might be a particularly mature 29 year old, chances are his friends act like, well, like 29 year old guys. Sigh. In an effort to be open-minded, I will go out with him again. We already made semi-set plans to go to the Denver Aquarium, which serves food and alcohol to those of legal drinking age.

Perhaps it's just that being with him makes me feel old and as if I have to take care of him. No one likes to feel old and everyone likes to feel taken care of. One of my wise, very good girlfriends, who happens to be slightly older than I told me today that she got over the age thing when she realized that the older she becomes the more desperate she gets, so she's open to the younger guy thing now! Ironically enough she is currently crushing on a guy who is 7 years her elder. I failed to point that out to her, however, as she was impressing upon me her geriatric wisdom. ;)

Scoopability: 5
Spark Factor: Potential for a 3+ if I can get over the age thing.

When I took the ACT, I scored in the 90-something percentile. I am comfortable using multi-syllabic words like loquacious, garrulous, and gregarious in casual conversation. I cannot, for the life of me, however, figure out how this recent purchase works! How does the bronzing powder escape from its plastic prison? I swear, even Houdini could not figure out this one. Your assistance is much appreciated!

Um, okay, that was just weird....

Guy from tonight drove over an hour from where he lives in, let's just say, a rather magical part of Colorado. I had no idea prior to the date that he was driving that far. The conversation was a little forced. He lacked enthusiasm, perhaps tired from the drive and, honestly, did not appear to be that interested in me. I'm trying to grow out my eyebrows, perhaps he was perturbed by their cave woman appearance. Or maybe it was the piece of pepper that I noticed was stuck in my teeth during my drive there. I thought that I had successfully picked it out with a credit card while going 68mph, but maybe it had resurfaced! Either way, I wasn't feeling as though he was all that into the date from the start. He did have great teeth and if you added personality to his personal recipe, would likely be attractive.

Annoying thing he did: Pauses between sentences that went on for DAAAAYYYS.
Annoying thing that I did: I probably talked too much about work, but considering that the alternative was an awkward silence, I really didn't think I had much choice!

As we were walking out, I, headed to the ladies' room, he, back in the car for his haul home, he said, "So you think you'll be in (town where he lives) over Memorial Day?" I said, "Yes, I think so." And he said, "Okay, well have a good night." Um, okay...I guess you don't want to meet up in (town where he lives) because now would have been the time to ask for my number in order to facilitate that. Oh well. I walked into the ladies' room and I'm pretty sure that out loud I said, 'Wow, that was weird.'

Spark and Scoopability factors for this one need not apply!

I have two dates this Thursday, stay tuned!

Anybody care to share a strange date story?

Sir Text-A-Lot

I met Sir Text A Lot at an 80s party a couple of weekends ago. He was wearing a cream-colored tuxedo, complete with tails, a pink cummerbund and matching pink bow tie. Oh, and Ray Bans. It was very well done. I, in my Benetton shirt, side ponytail, blue eyeliner, and leg warmers had good times with him on the dance floor. That was Friday. Then for the entire day on Saturday AND Sunday he sent me innocuous text messages...'How is your day going?' 'What are you up to?' 'Did you get your errands finished?' 'I am counting down the hours until I leave work.' This went on for TWO WHOLE DAYS, but there was never a request for a date. I played along, but was kind of like, WTF?? I credit my friend, Katie, with cleverly coming up with his logical nickname. Thanks, Katie!

Anyhoo, a week and a half later he finally did ask for the date, which I went on last night. We met up kind of late and both had to get up early this morning, so we limited our date to just a few drinks at a neighborhood bar. What he lacks in the finesse of text messaging, he makes up for in person. He played college football on a scholarship, played in a Rose Bowl even! Has his MBA, is an avid participant in the Colorado sports, i.e. mountain and road biking, is close with family, and went out of his way to hold the door open for me.

It was the best first date I've been on in a LONG time!

Scoopability: 5+
Spark Factor: 4.1

Stay tuned....

OMG, it was my ex-boyfriend!

Or perhaps, it was the long-lost twin he never knew he had! Not my recent ex, but one from a few years ago, Schwartz (yes, that's his real name), was practically sitting across the lunch table from me today. Same height, same physique, same voice, same mannerisms, from the same state, oh my god was it reminiscent of days past! The place where Schwartz and I used to pick up carry-out even happened to be right on the same block as the restaurant where I was now sitting across from his twin.

Having been raised Catholic, when I first started dating Schwartz, a Jewish guy, I was at first slightly apprehensive seeing as though our faiths differed quite significantly. My family is huge on Christmas, his clearly isn't. I thought this was going to be a big deal until I realized, 'Wait a sec! I'll NEVER have to spend Christmas with his family. It's a guaranteed way to always be with mine, whom clearly I would prefer anyhow!' What a discovery that was.

Schwartz and I had a fun 10 month stint and broke up basically because he was a great guy and I liked him an awful lot, but wasn't in love with him. That was about three years ago. I've been over him for awhile now. Last week, I confirmed the fact that I am actually 100%, truly over that relationship because I had the opportunity to run over him and his new girlfriend as they unknowingly cruised right in front of my car on their matching bicycles. I totally could have 'Hit and Run' and no one would have been the wiser. Instead, however, I happily smiled at them, nodded my head, and thought, 'Wow, that is wonderful. I'm sincerely and genuinely happy for him.'

Another sign is when you see your ex with a new girl and it doesn't bother you one little bit. What have been your 'I'm really over him/her' moments?

Oh, the date....I'm sorry, it was just so hard to separate the new Schwartz from the old, but very likeable guy.

Scoopability - 1.5

Spark Factor - 3

I may actually hang out with this one again, although it is the first check I've split.

What's in a name?

Okay, honestly, when you picture a guy named, let's say 'Melvin,' what do you picture? Be honest!!! I did not go out with 'Melvin' last night, but something tantamount. He arrived at the bar before I did. As the hostess guided me to the area where my date was sitting in sea of potentially eligible bachelors, I immediately picked him out. He was not the guy who had his laptop bag sitting beside him, nor the hottie who had his Adidas bag underneath the bar stool where I would soon be sitting. Nope, there he was, hunched a little forward with a very warm, friendly, welcoming smile. I honestly wanted to immediately hug him when I met him because he looked like the kind of guy who would never harm a flea and would ALWAYS go get frozen yogurt with me.

Instead of the big bear hug that you'd deliver to your favorite uncle, I gave him a big smile and introduced myself. I proceeded to order a tall vodka soda...he was already drinking a Scotch on the rocks...and the convo ensued.

The best part: It was an enjoyable hour of conversation with a new friend. He also taught me about some medically approved machine that delivers an abs workout without any exertion on the part of the person with said abs. He said he lost an inch around his middle the first time he did it. Intrigued? I am!

The worst part: Not a sports fan, whatsoever. He lived in Manhattan for a few years and NEVER went to Yankee Stadium. Never! Can you believe that?! I'm flying there this summer specifically so I can see a game in the historically famed stadium while it's in its final season.

Turnoff: As we parted ways, we shook hands. Are you familiar with the dead fish handshake? Yes, that's what it was. When I was 9 years old my grandma taught me how to shake hands and I'm a girl. Oh boy....anyhow....

Turnon: He was not scary, offensive, aggressive, or egotistical. He made several funny comments.

Summary:
He paid.
Scoopability: 2 out of 5
Spark factor: 0.74 (I'm sorry, the handshake thing was creepy.)
Number exchange? He asked, I gave him mine. I'd be happy to hang out with him again, although it probably won't be at a baseball game!

The name thing, though, I'm really wondering....Are there any Melvins, Marvins, Dwaynes, or Freds whom you know that go by their full first name and are cool? On the flip-side, are there any Dillons, Codys, or Trevors whom you know who are nerdy? Does the name make the person or the person make the name?