S.B.I is the newly developed acronym for Stupid Bar Injury. I'm sure we've all had an SBI at one time or another. I acquired one this past weekend and what is particularly ironic about it is that it is, with one minor difference, the exact same freak injury I had almost exactly one year ago in the exact same bar while the exact same band was playing!
Last year I was dancing around at a bar while enjoying one of my favorite local bands when all of a sudden a gentleman dancing behind me unexpectedly lifted me up. Apparently, he was attempting the reverse lift from Dirty Dancing. 'Ow!' I thought, as he returned me to the controls of gravity. Something didn't feel right on my left side. As my chiropractor explained to me later that week, Patrick Swayze had unknowingly separated my rib bone from the cartilage it's really quite fond of. It took a good two weeks to heal and posed all sorts of interesting life adjustment challenges. Ever realize you use your obliques while opening a tight jar? I sure was hungry for those two weeks.
This past Saturday, while at the same bar, listening to the same band, during the same time of year, a different gentleman suddenly decided to pick me up this time from the SIDE, my right side to be specific. Well, as soon as he did it, I and he both HEARD and FELT the pop. I winced in pain and immediately knew exactly what had happened. He was very apologetic, but even under the sedation of a handful of vodka sodas, I was in too much pain to continue dancing. The official chiropractic report this time: A severely pulled oblique muscle and possible displacement of my bottom rib, which he not so gingerly put back into place.
So the moral of the story? Well, (1)I need to grow either taller or wider, neither choice seeming particularly appealing or pleasant to me, (2)start hanging around shorter guys who DON'T go to the gym on a regular basis, again neither appealing nor pleasant, or (3)wear a shirt that says, 'Gravity Defy-ers, Need Not Apply.' But for those taller guys whose vantage point is at a higher altitude than my own, they probably won't be able to read my warning label unless, of course, they pick me up to a level where they can read it!
Anybody else with an SBI to report???? I know you've had 'em!
2 comments:
That sucks!
Suggestions:
1 Wear a bullet proof vest
2 Wear a shirt that says you have back problems and to NOT pick you up
I get SBIs all the time. Usually people ask me if I am (insert nationality here) because of my hair. They just won't accept that I am caucasian, from two caucasian parents.
Quick hint: Irony is opposites Coincidence is the same...yes, I 'm annoying!
Also, I call bar injuries "drinker's (blank,") so if I hurt my hip, I have drinker's hip, or my back, I have a case of drinker's back...you get the picture. Your second paragraph was hilariously worded, and a big fan of the Gravity Defyers t-shirt. I have friends that have their daughter wear a shirt that says "don't pick me up, My Mommy doesn't like it!"-she's 1 year old maybe they make those for adults?!?
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