If you know someone going through a break-up...

Here are the things that the break-up (which was a partial catalyst for this blog) has taught me. If you know someone going through one, perhaps sharing this information will help him or her. In my situation it was helpful to know that I was not the only to feel these things.

A Break-Up is Difficult for 4 Specific Reasons:
The reason that break-ups are so difficult is because you are dealing with essentially four things that taken by themselves are emotionally strenuous. The combination of the four very naturally makes you feel completely hopeless and understandably shatters your spirit.

1. You lose your best friend. The person in your life who is more familiar with your current events, thoughts, and opinions than anyone else and vice-versa, goes away. You lose that closeness, familiarity, and comfort in having that person to talk and listen to numerous times throughout the day. Just as if you were drastically separated from any best friend, that separation is sure to be devastating.

2. You lose your boyfriend. The hugs and kisses that you once appreciated receiving and giving on a daily basis are gone. Studies have shown that human touch increases health. So in addition to feeling emotionally distraught, your immune system and physical health may very well be compromised. We all know how not feeling well can easily put us in a bad mood.

3. You must adjust to being alone. Not having your full-time and part-time wingman for 9PM trips to Target, spontaneous Sunday breakfasts, and review of SportsCenter’s Top Ten feats is a major adjustment. Receiving a wedding invitation in the mail where the “And Guest” now stares you in the face and laughs makes you feel frustrated and lonely all over again.

4. Lastly, you are terrified that you’ll never be able to regain the deep, significant, and genuine emotional, mental, physical, sometimes even telepathic connection that you once had with that person. It is frightening to think that you’ll never be able to return to the euphoric land in which this inspiring and secure relationship existed. It is an enigma that only becomes harder to face the older you become.

So, my heart goes out to anyone who is going through a break-up because you are dealing with all of these elements violently slamming together. Taken individually they are incredibly challenging. Dealing with the combination can very reasonably seem insurmountable.

What I Did and Am Doing to Get (almost) Over It
1. I cried A LOT. At home, in private, in public, on airplanes, in elevators, in hotels, in the car (can be dangerous while driving), while on the phone, while checking email, while watching TV, while working out (which makes breathing for cardiac purposes that much more difficult), at friends’ houses, and almost everywhere in between. There were no tear-free zones.

2. I got angry, I got sad, I got resentful, I felt sorry for myself, I got jealous, I felt hopeless, I was mean to my mom. I did not force myself to go out and be social. I stayed home and pouted.

3. I immersed myself in new projects, sewing, for example. I rid my home of all pictures and other pertinent reminders of him. I adamantly tried to remove all of the god d*!m dog hair.

4. I listened to my friends and family. I let people hug me and I let them see me cry. I asked for help. I read books recommended by others who had been through similar situations and I started keeping a gratitude journal. I took over the counter drugs to help me sleep. Fatigue and exhaustion only exacerbate problems.

5. I requested that his and my communication be almost entirely cut-off…no calling or texting. When told that “these things build character,” I often pondered just how much character one person needs. My realization is that, perhaps, it’s not how much character I need for me, but how much character I need to help others and hopefully be some sort of an angel to them. That realization made me take a deep breath, nod my head, and say, “okay, I get it.”

6. I faced my family (not living in the same city I hadn’t seen them). I had to make it past that. I’m still trying to figure out why, but it was necessary and afterward I felt better.

7. Time, time, time. There’s clearly no scientific formula to calculate how much time you’ll need. I don’t claim to be fully over him yet, but I am at a much more peaceful place now than I was two months ago…two months ago tomorrow to be exact. He will always and forever have a part of my heart and a portion of me will never be over him. That’s a lot of what makes me, me and testament to just how authentic of a relationship we had.

8. I accepted the fact that I may relapse, but now know that I CAN feel better. Personally, I’m not good at forcing that, but allowing it to naturally happen, means that it will happen, even if only in small intervals. I express appreciation for these fleeting moments that are slowly, but surely leaving their ‘fleeting’ status and becoming more substantial.

In the words of Bon Jovi, "There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease!" Hopefully, however, these things may help someone in need.